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Ghosting – what to do, how to deal with it and react?

You just became a victim of ghosting? But how should you proceed now? Does a reaction make sense? What is the best solution?

Questions upon questions. Which shall be answered here: (at least I do my best):

1) ma step-by-step guide

2) Why you better not react to ghosting

3) Why you’re actually ghosted (possible reasons)

4) my conclusion on the subject

Question 1:

What is currently causing you the greatest emotional stress?

Test buttonTest button Test buttonTest button Test buttonTest button

Ghosting, what to do? My step-by-step guide ex zurück strategie

Ghosting can get pretty overwhelming. All the more valuable if you know exactly what to do now! Step by step…

Step 1 – make sure nothing bad happened< /span>

It’s theoretically possible that something bad happened to him or her. For example, that there was an accident. That there is another reason why he or she has suddenly disappeared from the scene. A reason that has nothing directly to do with you and the relationship.

Find out first. Luckily there are social networks. So feel free to check if he or she is doing anything on Facebook and Co.

Experience shows one thing very clearly: in 95% of cases nothing bad will have happened. But you should exclude this possibility…

Step 2: Get your distance! ex zurück strategie

This is the most important thing now. Why? Because that’s how you find yourself again. Because you give yourself and your feelings the opportunity to calm down.

But this will only work if you keep your distance. And you DO NOT text him or her all the time. Not calling him or her. Actions like this are useless now. On the contrary: they only make things worse.

Step 3 – Take care of yourself!

By working on your personal development. This is done by typing:

The right attitude develop:
you are someone A valuable, unique person. Which has its very special talents and characteristics.

You have it in your hands to lead a really nice life. To do what YOU enjoy. And so on.

There are certain things you want to achieve in your life. What is that in your case? And how can you do it?

Honestly: You get a lot more benefit from dealing with these topics now. And to show you your worth. Because as I said: You are someone. And you don’t even need to deal with such pathetic types who cowardly sneak out of life. You simply don’t need that!

.. and the wrong setting discard:

I’ll also tell you the strategy for being unhappy: to constantly ask yourself “Why? Why did this have to happen to me? Yet again? Do I just not deserve love?” and so on…

You may already have an idea of ​​what I’m getting at: Anyone who asks such questions only drags themselves down further. He sinks into self-pity. And gives up a bit too.

The result: the feeling of being all the more dependent on the other grows. The feeling of needing someone, absolutely. It doesn’t matter how badly someone treats you. That doesn’t really make you happy in the long run…

Step 4 – Put your insights into action

You have now – hopefully – learned a lot. But what use is the knowledge you have gathered if you cannot implement it? If you know a lot – but leave it at that?

There is only one thing that helps: implement everything step by step! And not just tomorrow, in three weeks, when this or that project is over. No: NOW!

Get started now!

And don’t wait any longer. This is only at the expense of your lifetime.

Don’t think too much about it. After all, you’ve already analyzed enough. You know everything. Now action is needed!

You’ll make it. Because you have so much strength! So much more than you might think right now. Believe in yourself – after all, others do too!

Ghosting what to do? Why no reaction is sometimes the best solution

Just rest your hands in your lap? The thought may strike you as odd. But sometimes it can make a lot of sense…

So: don’t just start doing this or that. But just keep a few things in mind:

1.) If someone really wants something, then he puts it committed to

It just is. We can think of nothing but that person. Than to this or that goal. A life without him/her? Impossible!

And that’s why we’re willing to do anything to make it happen. All right, almost everything. We are inspired. We are almost driven by this incentive. And no way seems too far…

Not answering is also an answer

Conversely, of course, this also means: This silence, this non-answering, is also a form of answer. And an indicator of how the feelings are on his or her side.

Not very good, to put it bluntly. I don’t want to fool you at all. And there is very little point in chasing dreams, dreams that have long since burst.

Yes, that hurts. Especially in those first moments. After all, there was (and is) something emotionally involved on your part.

Face the situation.

But it’s important to face the situation. Otherwise you will only suffer longer. Spending hours on the phone, on the cell phone. In the silent hope that he or she might still get in touch with you. (and believe me: I know from my own experience how bad that is. And that the other person is guaranteed not to call. How disappointed, how empty you feel afterwards…)

No, to put it bluntly and honestly: Such behavior will get you nowhere at all. You’ll only drag yourself down further. And make your sorrow worse. It’s that simple.

2.) Don’t give in to some feelings

anger. despair, sadness. Hate. begging, scolding. Hope. We are now, in this exceptional situation, tempted to all these feelings, to all these actions. No wonder, since so many emotions are rising in us right now!

But does it make sense to really live out these emotions? give in to you?

Why you shouldn’t give in to some feelings

No!!! For a brief moment they may bring relief. But then its effect fizzles out. And we are left empty and exhausted.

With the feeling that all our efforts have actually brought nothing. Except that we wasted our energy and our lifetime. For nothing at all. That’s not the nicest realization on earth either…

3.) Accept the offers of help< /span>

… which you now get. From your friends. From your family. Maybe from corners or people you hadn’t even thought of before. (That’s often all the nicer. To see who is actually there in the crisis.)

Because there are offers of help. And always a bit more than you first think.

Perhaps you have neglected your loved ones a little – precisely because of the relationship. But: If it’s a question of real, true friendship, then they also understand it.

And: Then they want to help you right now. Then they are almost even happy to be by your side right now.

But approach them and confide in them.

Making the offer is one thing. But it also needs a certain initiative from the other side. Namely: to confide in the other. Talking openly and honestly about your own situation.

It might be a bit difficult at first. Also funny: to bare oneself in front of the others (that’s sometimes more, sometimes less difficult). Yes, it feels so good. And gives you valuable strength and energy…

So now stick to the very people who are there for you! Where you feel good. You don’t have to pretend anything. This is the best thing you can do for yourself now! (and by the way you can see who is staying by your side).

4.) Distract yourself from time to time

To be honest: who wants to deal with ghosting all the time, 24 hours a day, with HIM or HER? I can’t think of any…

Although the subject is a very big one. Although you ask yourself all the time: Why? What’s behind it?

Why distraction is sometimes so important

Sure, these questions are there. But: You will never be able to answer them 100%. You will never be completely sure why he or she behaved the way he or she did. Because everyone has their own view of things…

And: You’re only driving yourself crazy if you insist on this question like that. When there is nothing else in your life.

You will get stuck. Not with you, with your life. Not by answering these questions. At some point you just go around in circles. Especially since some insights just “come” after a few days, weeks, months: But then they come to you. They fly to you in a way. We can’t force it….

And how to distract yourself?

Precisely when everything is going in circles again, distraction is the order of the day. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Exercise.
  • Get out the door at all.
  • Call someone.
  • Take a hot shower.
  • Watch a nice movie.
  • Listen to music out loud.
  • Do something creative.
  • Etc.

Even a small change in air can work wonders. For example by packing your bags and driving away. If time and budget allow, of course.

So why not go to Barcelona? Over a weekend, just like that? Or insert a wellness day? In a really nice hotel with your best friend? How about a canoe trip with the gang? Or visit the family again? You see: There are so many possibilities.. Possibilities that will quickly change your mind. And just make sure you’re having a good time….

What are ghosting reasons?

Now the question arises: WHY do you actually ghost? What are the reasons behind this?

Well, you’ll probably never be able to tell 100%. After all, you can’t look into the other person… So you probably won’t get any real certainty.

But I have learned one thing from my long and intensive study of the subject: The following six reasons are often behind it:

Ghosting Reason 1: I want to show you how much power I have over you.

And myself as well (and all other people who might be interested). Not very flattering to be used like that, is it? Especially if he or she then has an easy time with you…

Unfortunately, this reason is quite common. Especially with narcissists. Or with people who are narcissistic. These people really enjoy being in control of others. And the more the merrier! Ghosting is a welcome opportunity for them to do this. And you’re just a means to an end, so to speak… as harsh as that may sound at this point.

Ghosting reason 2: I’ll finish this now – and at any price.

Finally, that’s how I announced it… Or told myself. That’s what the person who ghosted thinks. And he often has a very specific idea of ​​himself. That of a doer, an alpha animal. That pervades everything it once began.

Even if the plan wasn’t necessarily the best (to put it diplomatically). In your case, this means: he or she is consistent when it comes to disappearing without a trace. So he or she pulls it all the way through, from start to finish. And don’t think too much about what that means for you. How you might feel about it. Why would he or she even do that?!?

Ghosting reason 3: I need (your) attention!< /span>

Ghosting can also be a cry for attention, for affection. Because maybe he or she didn’t feel sufficiently respected by you. (This is especially the case for people who have problems with themselves. They struggle with low self-esteem. Because these people are all the more dependent on attention, on care from outside…)

But the tricky thing is: the weaker your self-esteem, the more love and affection you need. But can he believe that? No! Because he or she secretly thinks: “I really didn’t deserve that.” Nevertheless, he / she expects it from the other person – yes, we humans can be so strange sometimes.

Perhaps you actually neglected the relationship a bit. At least lately. You now get the receipt, so to speak. And get ghosted….

Ghosting reason 4: I don’t really care about anything.< /span>

He or she goes through life with this basic attitude. That says a lot about his or her character, too, doesn’t it?

Other people, their feelings: All of this is initially not given much attention. It’s just not important enough! empathy and so on? None, at least for these people! Who then just like to disappear from the scene. And leave the other very, very clueless….

Ghosting reason 5: There was violence and abuse before.< /span>

Let’s hope this hasn’t happened to you. Because becoming a victim of violence is really quite hard! Unfortunately, it happens again and again.

Of course, if this happens to anyone, they don’t want to see their perpetrator again. So I think ghosting is very understandable in this case. And also forgivable. Because in this way you protect yourself, so to speak…

Ghosting reason 6: Everything overwhelmed me. span>

It was all too much. The relationship. The other, his or her behavior. His/her claims. And so on.

Maybe there was a scam before too. There were injuries, emotional. Or something else – like external influences. Who made the relationship a real gauntlet (at least for those who later ghosted).

The fact is: the ghoster felt overwhelmed. And went head over heels. Has fled. That’s exactly how you could say it!

Ghosting reason 7: I’m afraid of commitment.

And a fear that runs very, very deep. As soon as the relationship gets closer, the person withdraws. The partner hardly opens up: the other distances himself. Because he can’t take it emotionally. Because he’s afraid of closeness.

Perhaps because there is a general fear. Before getting hurt. Before being abandoned. This can be traced back to childhood experiences and experiences. For example, when the violent divorce of the parents was noticed at first hand. And suffered a lot from that. Or other memories come up. What it was like back then to be left by the love of your life…

We don’t want this to happen again! And that’s why you prefer to go, quietly and secretly. To protect against these possible scenarios…

You now know about the possible reasons for ghosting. But are there any warning signs? Which indicate that ghosting may occur soon? There is! And we want to take a closer look at them in the next chapter…

Can you spot ghosting in time? 10 Warning Signs

Honestly, it’s really not the best way to just disappear without any explanation, without the slightest announcement beforehand. That doesn’t really show character.. Especially if the relationship or what was between you was somewhat advanced. If emotions and bonds were involved…

But in a way you can also protect yourself from ghosting. By arming yourself! And watch out for certain warning signs. The more of them come together, the more likely it is: he or she will soon disappear from your life without a sound…

But what are the warning signs? The following!

Warning_Signal 1: He or she is very casual.

And I just don’t want to commit myself. It was like that from the start! Never has he or she come to terms with you, known to you as a couple. And it’s actually like this: He or she seems to like to keep one or the other back door open. Determine? None! Rather, non-binding seems to be his or her middle name…

It starts small. For example, when you make plans for the weekend together. If you want to take a trip with him or her. He or she always likes to make excuses. comfort you. And anyway: When are you going to get to know his or her family and friends?!?

Alert 2: He or she thinks a certain way.

This becomes especially clear to you when you both talk about your ideas and goals in life. What do you actually want to achieve for yourself personally? Values ​​such as trusting partnerships that last as long as possible seem to have a place in his or her value system. This also applies to loyalty and reliability. These almost seem to be foreign words for him or her! Or just not that important…

Instead, he or she appears to you like a butterfly. That flutters erratically from one place to the next… At first it may still be quite varied and amusing. But in the long run….

Warning signal 3: he or she is generally very closed.

And more introverted. It may be that he or she confides in someone – but you are not! And when you think about it: you actually don’t know him or her that well. You don’t know what’s moving him or her right now. Does not know about his/her thoughts, feelings, expectations and needs….

Warning signal 4: He or she likes to avoid conflicts.

And happily takes to his heels before maybe, probably, there could be a fight. There may be a great longing for harmony behind this. A general fear of conflict.

Whenever this could happen, if there are different views on an issue: then he or she withdraws. Shut up instead of explaining yourself. And just keep going his or her way, regardless of the consequences…

Alert 5: He or she is retreating.

Have you ever had a fight? Or do you just have different opinions? Then he or she punishes you in some way. Namely, by keeping his or her distance. And wordlessly doing his or her thing. This can go on for days!

Warning signal 6: He or she is quite egocentric.

It’s all about him or her. Sure, everyone is the center of their personal world. But with him or her it goes even further: Everything is related to itself. Everything – both the positive and the negative! (Which says a lot about the character again…). So he or she sometimes reacts very, very sensitively…. Without the environment being able to understand and comprehend such a violent reaction.

Warning signal 7: He or she just isn’t empathic.

And has difficulty empathizing with others. He or she seems to be more of a wooden block emotionally. The thoughts and feelings of others? Well, very difficult topic! Or rather unknown territory.

Warning signal 8: He or she generally has a tendency to lie.

Little Baron or Little Baroness Münchhausen: This gentleman also had a tendency to lie.

Of course, that’s not really sovereign. Because instead of owning up when you’ve done something wrong, when you’ve made a mistake, you lie. To present yourself in a better light. In fact, it is not necessary at all! Because this scam is used again and again. Even in “small” situations that are actually not worth it. But it crept in… so it’s a certain automatism!

And at some point, the environment no longer knows what’s actually going on. You don’t trust that person anymore. And rightly so…

Alert 9: He or she lacks insight.

Keyword: lack of awareness of wrongdoing. He or she simply doesn’t see that he/she made a mistake. And I don’t want to see that either.

Because what he or she is doing is right. Point. Why think about it? Let alone discuss? If this happens over and over again, it can get tricky… (Sure, that reason alone isn’t enough for ghosting. But combined with other red flags, it can get serious…)

Warning signal 10: He or she does not invest.

Neither in the partnership. Still in general. Because: For him or her, the path of least resistance is the most comfortable. And the only one! You can see that in very different situations.

Because whenever a bit of bite and commitment are required: then he or she bolts. And prefer not to do it at all, after all, he or she could overexert himself….)

And that’s why it’s not so unlikely: If he or she senses or sees problems between you: Then he or she suddenly breaks off contact.

How does someone_doing_ghosting really tick?

You may have seen from the chapter above: certain types are particularly prone to ghosting later. And the more of these properties mentioned above come together, the higher the danger…

Certain properties are poor or non-existent.

Characteristics like people skills, the ability to communicate (and in the right way.) the ability to bond. The ability to really engage with the relationship, with the other. And to take this into his heart.

It often has nothing directly to do with the relationship between the two of you.

But with his or her character! Therefore you are, what is between you is not meant directly. It might as well have been someone else! To put it succinctly: you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He or she is very good at suppressing.

The first step has been taken: he or she has broken off contact. And disappeared from your life without saying a word.

Doing it is one thing. The other thing is this: all of this has to be “pulled through”. The (well developed) ability to suppress helps him or her. Sitting it all out.

Depending on the “exercise”, this will be easier for him or her. The first day, the second: they might still be a little tough. But after the third day, it becomes easier and easier not to contact the other person. Pushing it all away: The thoughts of him or her. The thought of how he or she might be doing. And so on…

He or she is making the situation worse.

What do I mean by that? He or she may be thinking: if he or she still makes contact now, then he or she will have to explain himself or herself. Why he or she did it.

Maybe he or she has to face the tears, the pain of the other. The allegations. There may be awkward questions. To tiring discussions. (and let’s be honest: he or she deserved it).

Surrender to it? No! Therefore, it is better to rely on this form of avoidance. That’s why it’s better not to actually resolve the conflict. But simply present the other with a fait accompli… And just disappear without explanation.

Why social development favors ghosting

As I said, it all depends on the character. Whether someone tends to ghosting. Will resort to this drastic measure, sooner or later.

But it is also a fact: the current social development favors this. This is also confirmed by experts: Especially through the dating apps, through the online platforms, the inhibition threshold for ghosting is simply lower.

Reason 1: The relationships are becoming more and more non-binding.

One no longer wants to fully engage with the other. No longer tying yourself to the other, to a specific person in general, for life. Because someone better could always come…

Reason 2: Relationships are often started faster.

If one can speak of a relationship at all. You “just” go to bed with the other person. Without thinking much about it. You meet again and again. But without officially committing to each other.

It happens a lot quicker to start a relationship. Especially when this happens via apps like Tindr and Co. It’s as simple as swiping left or right! The choice is so big! And so on.

And that’s why it’s easier to end the relationship (or whatever was between them). After all, the next candidate is only a swipe away…

You have now learned a great deal about ghosting. But at the end I would like to give you a few lines to take with you. Don’t worry: there isn’t that much to read anymore!

My conclusion on the topic of ghosting:

Ghosting is quite, shall we say, challenging. One that takes us. which occupies us. And it often confronts us with some unsolvable puzzles…

But taking care of yourself is so important right now. to stay with yourself. And NOT racking your brain all the time. Searching, desperate to find an answer.

Because in most cases this will not succeed. And this behavior should actually be enough of an answer… Because let’s be honest: anyone who behaves like this is not demonstrating their maturity and deliberation. No, he just quietly and secretly escapes. Is that fair and mature? Rhetorical question, actually!

So: Just leave the behavior as it is. Keep your distance consciously. Don’t contact him or her. Instead, focus on getting back on your feet. Now that’s the best you can do!

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what I do at 2am + sneaking out


  • Author: Nathaly Cuevas
  • Post date: 2020-09-14
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